Forget about the ones who let you down
But remember to stay gracious to the ones who stuck around

And thank the ones around you if you win
But believe in yourself even if your own mother begins to doubt you

And take everyone you love and write them down
You might not want to tell all of them, cuz that could wierd some people out
But let them know you care somehow

Now hold the one you love in both your hands
Apologize for what you did and he will understand
And if he doesn't, well fuck him, you've done all you can

But I just want to say 'Thank You'
For all the times that you stayed by my side
What a wonderful feeling to feel like everything is right
What a wonderful feeling to know that everything is fine

Keep your family close
'Cause when you get in trouble they'll be the last to lose their hope

And say your prayers every night
They don't have to be to God, it just helps to sort the thoughts
And you never know, they might be right

Now if I die tomorrow, would you say nice things?
Or would you tell the truth, even if it sounds a little mean
So if I'm remembered, I'm remembered realistically

But if there's something you want with all your heart
That you want so much, it's tearing you apart
Well don't try to kill the fire, it has to go out on it's own

But I just want to say 'thank you'
For all the times that you stayed by my side
What a wonderful feeling to feel like everything is right
What a wonderful feeling to know that everything is fine

But I just want to say 'thank you'
For all the times that you stayed by my side
What a wonderful feeling to feel like everything is right
What a wonderful feeling to know that everything is fine

What a wonderful feeling to feel like everything is right
What a wonderful feeling to know that everything is fine

-Thank You by Bombadil

MAR' 18

01

Savanna scatters and the seabird sings
So why should we fear what travel brings?
What were we hoping to get out of this?
Some kind of momentary bliss?

I waited for something, and something died
So I waited for nothing, and nothing arrived
It's our dearest ally, it's our closest friend
It's our darkest blackout, it's our final end
My dear sweet nothing, let's start a new
From here all in is just me and you

I waited for something and something died
So I waited for nothing, and nothing arrived
Well I guess it's over, I guess it's begun
It's a losers' table, but we've already won
It's a funny battle, it's a constant game
I guess I was busy when nothing came

I guess I was busy
I guess I was busy
I guess I was busy
I guess I was busy 

I waited for something and something died
So I waited for nothing, and nothing arrived
I waited for something and something died
So I waited for nothing, and nothing arrived

- Nothing Arrived by Villagers

I know, I know, I know what I am chasing
I know, I know, I know that this is changing me

I am flying on a star into a meteor tonight
I am flying on a star, star, star
I will make it through the day
And then the day becomes the night
I will make it through the night

I don't mind repeating, I am not complete
I have never been the gifted type
Hey, man, tell me something, are you off to somewhere?
Do you want to go with me tonight?

Favorite parts of above podcast:

"There's some inside feeling that and none of us have got a clue. What's the point in working for Something you're not ready for? I feel my best. My head's a mess. And I don't have to think about what people think of me, but recently I don't care anymore. I wanna be adored but what for when I'm not anyone. I've got so much to say, I sound insane half the time. It'll all be fine. Maybe we'll get together in a few years time. You'll ask me how my life is going, maybe I'll have to lie, to make myself seem impressive, just in case you're fine. Don't you think that baby this is all gonna change? I really feel it's impossible for it to all stay the same. Change can be an ugly thing when it takes something as beautiful as this. I keep telling myself it'll be fine. It'll all be fine. It'll all be fine. Alright. Fine."

- A Phonecall by Phoebe Green

Houses and rooms are full of perfumes, the shelves are crowded with perfumes, 

I breathe the fragrance myself and know it and like it,

The distillation would intoxicate me also, but I shall not let it.

The atmosphere is not a perfume, it has no taste of the distillation, it is odorless, 

It is for my mouth forever, I am in love with it,

I will go to the bank by the wood and become undisguised and naked, 

I am mad for it to be in contact with me.

The smoke of my own breath,

Echoes, ripples, buzz'd whispers, love-root, silk-thread, crotch and vine, 

My respiration and inspiration, the beating of my heart, the pass- ing of blood and air through my lungs, 

The sniff of green leaves and dry leaves, and of the shore and dark-color'd sea-rocks, and of hay in the barn, 

The sound of the belch'd words of my voice loos'd to the eddies of the wind, 

A few light kisses, a few embraces, a reaching around of arms,

The play of shine and shade on the trees as the supple boughs wag, 

The delight alone or in the rush of the streets, or along the fields and hill-sides, 

The feeling of health, the full-noon trill, the song of me rising from bed and meeting the sun. 

Have you reckon'd a thousand acres much? have you reckon'd the earth much? 

Have you practis'd so long to learn to read?

Have you felt so proud to get at the meaning of poems?

Stop this day and night with me and you shall possess the origin of all poems, 

You shall possess the good of the earth and sun, (there are millions of suns left,) 

You shall no longer take things at second or third hand, nor look
         through the eyes of the dead, nor feed on the spectres in books, 

You shall not look through my eyes either, nor take things from me,

You shall listen to all sides and filter them from your self.

- Walt Whitman "Songs of Myself - 2"

I told you to be patient
I told you to be fine
I told you to be balanced
I told you to be kind
Now all your love is wasted?
Then who the hell was I?
Now I'm breaking at the bridges
And at the end of all your lines

Who will love you?
Who will fight?
Who will fall far behind?

Come on skinny love
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my

- Skinny Love by Bon Iver

When I saw your face
When I saw your face
I knew I was in love
Right away

When I saw those eyes
Looking into mine
I knew I was in love
I knew I was in love

I knew I was in love
I knew I was in love

- Yr Face by Oberhofer

We all agree that 2017 was the worst, right? Shootings, terrifying policy changes (and policy makers), alt-right rallies, terrorist attacks, sexual harassment scandals, natural disasters, rising tensions everywhere, the list could go on and on. To make things even better, it also personally was a crap year. I left a community that I had loved and lived in for so long. Best friends moved away and some friendships just ceased to exist. For the first time in my life I struggled with depression. I lost who I was and who I wanted to become. It definitely felt like a dumpster fire of a year. 

However, despite the smelly flames, there was some really awesome stuff too. 

The eclipse! Star Wars! A royal engagement! The Nintendo switch! The Women’s March! Malala’s at Oxford! Roy Moore lost! People everywhere fell in love! Met their best friends! Helped strangers! Laughed until they cried! Rescued and adopted animals! Had babies! Donated to those in need (see links below)! 

One of my friends is sharing with the west coast his beautiful writing and self! Another one of my friends is in London! England! Like where the Queen lives! Another one of my friends is becoming more and more of a bad ass on a daily basis (just three more years till your boots, fish)! Another one of my friends is in Israel figuring out how to create world peace! I lived with singlehandedly the best roommate and person anyone could ever ask for! I’ve read so many wonderful books! Listened to so many NPR podcasts! Went to so many concerts! Met so many kind and loving people! Saw so many sunsets! Drove so many Texas roads! Continued on with my faith in ways I never thought to be possible! Lived in one of the best cities in the world! Learned so much about myself and who I want to be! So. Many. Wonderful. Things.

However! This is not to say that we should paint over the bad parts of this year (globally or personally) but instead the exact opposite. Let these shootings gut you and implore you to email or call your congressmen. Let these acts of terror and hate enlighten your various places of privilege and deepen your sense of love and compassion. Let these silence breakers motivate you to reexamine and start a discussion that leads us to a more equal place. Don’t ignore the horrible parts, instead use the good parts to motivate and encourage us to make those bad parts happen less, and hopefully one day not at all. 

2017 was the worst and it was also the best. The world will never cease to be hard and heartbreaking but it will also never cease to be beautiful and amazing. I hope your 2017 was filled with love and light even through the darkness. And I very much hope the love and light is easier to see in 2018.

Find my beautiful friends below!

DEC' 17

25

How can they talk about Santa Claus when there is so much unhappiness in the world? 

Narrator: Poor, misguided folks. They missed the whole point. Lot's of unhappiness? Maybe so. But doesn't Santa take a little bit of that unhappiness away? Doesn't a smile on Christmas morning scratch out a tear cried on a sadder day? Not much maybe. But what would happen if we all tried to be like Santa and learned to give as only he can give: of ourselves, our talents, our love and our hearts? Maybe we could all learn Santa's beautiful lesson and maybe there would finally be peace on Earth and good will toward men. Hey, it's getting late, and I've got these letters to deliver. You better be getting home, too. And remember, behave yourselves, because Santa can still look into his magic snowball and see just what you're up to. And now that you know all about him, you can be darn sure that come snow or high water, Santa Claus is comin' to town! - Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town